“You are the sky. Everything else is just the weather.”
The sky in this quote by Pema Chödrön (principal teacher at Gampo Abbey, a Tibetan-Buddhist monastery in Nova Scotia) is a metaphor for the clear and vast nature of our soul, our true nature. The weather represents the clouds that sometimes hide our view of our soul, yet our true nature is always there, expansive, eternal, and unchanging.
A central theme of Pema Chödrön’s teaching is the principle of shenpa, a Tibetan word often translated as “attachment” or “hooked”. Shenpa has been described as that “sticky feeling” where we feel a tightening or a sense of closing down, withdrawing, and not wanting to be where we are, hence the “hooked” quality.
That tight feeling is the moment of being hooked into a cycle of negative thoughts and actions leading to self-denigration, blame, anger, jealousy and other negative emotions.
Shenpa is usually involuntary, and it gets right to the root of why we suffer.
Below are some examples that might sound familiar.
Hot-shot kid in a too-fast car cut you off this morning; it’s noon, and you’re still seething.
The clerk at the grocery store wouldn’t let you in his express line because the guy behind you ratted on your 14th item.
Your spouse had an affair ten years ago, and even though you’ve been divorced for seven, your stomach still knots up when you think about it.
You moved to a new city for a great career opportunity but long so much for your old home and friends that you can’t find anything to like about the new place.
Your son stays home to care for the kids while your daughter-in-law works at her law practice, which doesn’t seem right.
In our yoga practice, we’re often encouraged to let go of what no longer serves us.
You know you should let it all go, and you try, but there it is—you’re “hooked” into that cycle of negative thoughts and emotions. That same old stuff is still getting rent-free space in your head.
How does one let go so that the residue of the past is put away, forgotten, or transformed into memories that can be called upon at will rather than those that show up like telephone solicitors at dinnertime and demand attention?
Letting go has to do with living in the present moment rather than the past. It happens when the past isn’t projected into the future but is left behind where it belongs. It’s about making amends when called for, taking care of what needs attending to, and forgiving rather than re-living.
Below are a few suggestions for you to consider:
Next time a thought about something that happened in the past floats into your mind, let it pass through without jumping aboard and going along for the ride. It will grow if you focus on it like a weed that gets watered. Try acknowledging the thought, then, with a deep breath, letting it go.
If the thought that comes along is about something left undone, you may need to take action before you can let go. Would you like to make amends to someone, clear up a misunderstanding, write a letter or make a phone call? It can be helpful to list the actions needed to clear a situation and set some goals. You can begin with a small, manageable step. But whatever you need to do, get started. Taking action often precedes letting go.
Stay in the now and appreciate the circumstances of your life. Make a gratitude list of what you like about wherever you are, not just your living arrangements but other parts of your life. Get rid of what’s no longer appropriate in your life, and create more space for new parts of yourself to show up.
Write letters you may or may not send to people you need to release. (Just so you know, always wait a few days and check with someone you trust if you have doubts about the appropriateness of sending a letter.) Write unsent letters to situations from your past or to people, even those who have passed away. Write what you feel, say what you need, and say goodbye.
Let go by putting away pictures, memorabilia, clothes, gifts and anything else that keeps you actively connected with someone who’s no longer with you and whose presence you keep alive when it would be more beneficial to move on.
Make a ceremony of letting go. Burn old letters or journals. Dig a hole in the earth and bury what needs to be buried. Write a letter or vow for the occasion and read it aloud. Light candles or sing songs. And weep, if need be. Include others in your ceremony to act as witnesses and support you.
Let go of old ideas. People, lifestyles and cultures change. Talk to others, and get their perspectives. Focus on what’s good about change, and explore how moving on benefits you and others. Holding on to how it used to be, keeps you in its grip and prevents you from participating in and enjoying the present.
Release thoughts and words that categorize people, that measure or evaluate, judge or condemn, or hold others with expectations. Eliminate words like should, ought, can’t, if only, however, and impossible.
Ultimately, letting go is a practice of forgiveness and an act of love that happens over time.
With this, I’ll leave you with another quote:
“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.”
Happy Valentine’s Day!
With joy and gratitude,
Jeannine
Adapted from content used under license, © Claire Communications
